THE BACK DOOR OF PARADISE

On the curb, he considers his options,
Which way to go into the day?
Following the courses of the city tides,
It is almost evening, neon lights are
The moon of these streets
Knowing no season,
The city will not soon change its face,
And will continue in its pace and grind,
Consuming us.
He admits it.
He follows Lady through the trafficways:
“If not for her many faces I would
be wise to her.But she loses me always
I see her disappearing in her yellow dress
At Bay and Dundas. She smiles and waves at me.
She is the Goddess from eternal seas;
In the hips of every lady of the street,
I see Her breathe. I love Her, I need
Her pulse and breast. I need her
Though she gives so little rest;
She saps me, as I drink from her purse.”
“Walk with me a little while along this
Journey of the town’s interior,
And we shall see with some lucidity…
That young gal over there serving tables,
A real beauty – eveything you would need,
She has a knowing smile and confidence,
Which comes when the worst blows of this nasty
World have not destroyed you. She’s been here a
Long time, she doeesn’t work here, she presides.
Her name is Lucy.
A song called, “Dancing in the Moonlight” is
On the jukebox. We are beneath the street,
In a basement, subterrrainean
Lonely men in dark corners of the bar,
She serves them too and gives them something of
What they need, more than beer and chips and hamburgers.
*

The city’s still the same, pursuing itself with frantic energy
Searching out its name in the maze of streets
Each of us descending for immersion;
Seeing how we may swim in its waters
And return home to sleep ’til there is no home
But only it with starved eyes in the dark.
*
It’s very serious after a while
Until the sky blows the roof out between
The buildings:
And there is a vast emptiness of miles
An infinite apace that breathes in the night
Sweeping streets clean of our minor concerns
And navel gazing.
*
Then we return to the luscious fullness
Of bodies passing
he wants to rub against them
And dance along the street behind them
Chops licking and a smile on his face… yes
This is the land of fuck as someone said,
A whole city in heat.
*
In heat to buy dresses and get to work,
To get that beer, get parked, get entertained.
And the enormous hierarchy of it all,
The towering fuck order, with the
Enormous fucking full cunt at the top,
For a little motivation.
And we descend to the depths, happy as
Larks without nests, and a spot of love
In our breasts, and tea in our cup and a
Lady in our lap, the evening before dark;
And the fullness of a cresting stiff cock,
Erection between her legs and she sags,
Bears down on it, then turns to face me with
Legs spread wide and a dark passion in her eyes
Yes, this is what I need, yes I need this,
Fill me, plant your seed deep, so I may walk
Warmly when I return upon the streets;
Plant it, baby, plant it, and turn off the T.V;
There is a fire burning inside me and I need,
I need; I need what you have to give me;
This is what I came here for, down these streets
To this dark alley-lore, deep beneath the
Sidewalks,warm water running, deep, deep, hear
The sirens on the street – such urgency –
O come to me, and love me deep, baby,
Don’t you see my need? Fill me, fill me
*
And then out again warmed and refreshed
And calmed by her soothing hands…

 

 

 

(c) 1980-2019 BY W.G. Milne

ST. MARTIN AND THE VIRGIN

ST. MARTIN AND THE VIRGIN

True love is not lost to savagery,
Nor is spirit a stranger to cash;
And tenderness can turn to violence,
The brightest flame will often turn to ash.

And St. Martin did one time love a lass,
Sweet as the sky were her brightest blue eyes;
And they danced to the sound of a violin,
They danced and they laughed ’til the dawn                    came in.

St Martin, he has come to be gone now,
He is buried deep under the grass;
It’s said where he lies it’s a holy place
His child dances at the feet of his lass.





(C)2019 by W.G. Milne

THERE’S A CRAZY MAN UPSTAIRS WITH SOMETHING IN HIS HAND

THERE’S A CRAZY MAN UPSTAIRS WITH SOMETHING IN HIS HAND

There’s a man sitting on a chair
in the middle of an empty room.

*

He’s hearing various voices, and talking
to some of them. characters he’s drawn up – but very real to him…personalities he does not
wish to lose… that arise out of and return to
some plenum void of the unconscious. In his
head he’s got almost all the characters
for a Shakespearean drama
Characters all based on real people,
some of them still alive, many of them dead,
and echoes he has heard of voices in
the night… some of them coming from
across the sea.

What’s worse is… the people downstairs,
the very real people are plotting to have him arrested….And he can hear their thoughts
The wife in particular is getting
annoyed that Charlie is constantly crushing his
medications… and snorting them… and of course
Charlie begins to get paranoid.
He endures waves of paranoid
fantasies, especially when he
is high from inhaling too much medical fuel.
When he is high he has preternatural
hearing — he can hear for miles, with a clarity
he can’t explain…it is almost supernatural
what he can hear.
And he’s hearing too much of the moralistic, complaining wife, droning on about calling the police.

Charlie: (growls in his throat) Or maybe she’s calling a priest. A S&M hooker priest with high heels and stockings
Have her read the sexual last rites to me while
berating my name…Staring down at me
with that great ass… (Charlie loves his landlady’s ass)

She: He’s cutting drugs up,
there. That’s all he’s done for days

Husband: It’s not cocaine… it’s just
anti-depressants – he snorts
them. ‘Just to curb the hunger inside.’
That’s what he said when I asked what
the fuck was he pounding and scraping at…

Husband shouts:We hear it real clear thru the floor!

She’s shouting up at the ceiling: “We hear you
when you masturbate, too!
Can’t you take it easy with the grunts and pounding, and that slapping sound?
It’s like somebody kicking a heavy bag…
What the hell is that?”

Husband: It sounds like he’s whipping
himself!

Wife: Let’s call the cops.. He’s making
horrible noises! What is he puking
up… a lung?

Husband: No! No cops around here! Last
time you called the cops on a
tenant, they almost took me away!

She grabs for the phone…

WHACK!

Wife/she: OOWEEEEEEEEEEEE!

He: You can take a punch better than that! *

She: (crying, fondling a knife in her left hand,
the hand Shaky, the husband, can’t see).

He: “He pays his rent real regular and we need it.”

She: That crazy place up the hill pays his rent.

He: Naw, he pays it. He don’t want nothin more
to do with the crazy house. By the way,
They don’t call them crazy houses anymore.
They call them asylums…It’s more polite.

Brenda: swirls the olive in her drink, Says:
“It’ll always be the nuthouse to me.”
(pause…swirls the olive, one stockinged
leg crossed over the other, high heel shoe
slowly nodding in the air)

She: “I don’t care what they call it.
If you start hearing voices, you should be
locked up. These psychos can turn on you
at any time..Soon as they’re off their
medication, their dicks work again!
That fucker upstairs, he’s hearing voices all
the time!

Husband (Shaky): He’s hearing your voice!
You can bet on that!

She: He looks at me, stares right at my crotch
and he sniffs the air.HE SNIFFS THE AIR
LIKE SOME KIND OF ANIMAL!And he
stares at my ass…with those red eyes of his.
Like some beast in the forest at night!

Cassie, the wife,she continues: “Yeah, they get off their medication, then their dicks work again.
Then all they want to do is RAPE WHITE WOMEN!

He: I get it! I understand!

She: You should see the way he looks at me! And I can tell he’s got something in his hand!

2

He: Hell, I look at you that way,too!
You cut me off that pussy of yours
for a month, I’m running around with a tent pole
looking to fuck somethin’… anything warm.She: Hey! Is that all you think I am
a warm pussy and a gorgeous ass?

He: slaps her ass, says: “I love that big ass
of yours. Right now,,, let me tongue your
asshole.. Then call me a pig, tell me how
I’m weak, indecisive & obedient… and what a pig
I am. And how I have a small cock!
She: Honey, your cock is huge that’s why
I’m with you. It’s sure not your personality.
Ha! Ha!
He: Tell me it’s small! Go ahead, insult me!
She: “You’re a moron. You’ve got the job
of a moron! And the salary to match!”
He: Not like that! You know what I mean!
(He’s jacking off)

She: “You’re a premature ejaculator
He: That’s it! (he pants) What else?
She: You’ve been soft 90% of the time all
this year..!
He… yeah, that’s good! (beating off) Keep going!
She: And when you’re not soft, your cock
is too small to bother with…
He: YES!

She: I feel that beast upstairs staring
at me… I get all tingly between
my knees…
He: Yah?
She: I want him to beat me the way
he beats his meat. I want him
to beat my ass with a stick! Then
I want him to fuck me…

He: (panting)
She: I want him to fuck me ’til I scream!
He: (gasping. His hand is a blur it’s
moving so fast)
She: I can tell by his eyes that’s he’s
got a big dick…And he knows how
to use it, too. He’d have no trouble
getting it in me. All the way in me. Deep!

He: (… …)

She: He might be crazy,
but some crazy people have huge cocks!
I just bet he’s one of them… I want him
to fuck me with his huge cock!

He: (breathing hard) Don’t stop!
She: Those rare times when you get hard…

He: yah……………..?

She: You last about a minute…

He: “urf!” (he’s masturbating wildly… making
high-pitched hooting sounds …. as if he’s
being goosed repeatedly)

She: “What kind of a man are you? You crawl
across the bed towards me….

He: (panting)

She: You try to mount me…. but you’re too
pathetic to achieve penetration…. you
know what happens…

He: (He knows what happens, all right. It’s
beginning to happen now…. his dick is
twitching, throbbing up and down… the
eye of his considerable schlong winks
at her, before)…. just before…
his member which he’s pulling at with
both hands… begins to spurt in all
directions, especially hers…

She: You came on my stockings! Just now!
Once again!.. you didn’t make it
did you?

He: Noooooo!
She: You didn’t achieve penetration!
You’re pathetic! You came on my leg!
She: You know what you have to do now,
don’t you…

He: Yes. ma’am, I sure do.
He crawls over between her legs,
pushes his nose up between the lips of her
labia.
He knows all right. Yes, he does.
He sure does. He slips his tongue deep
inside her and allows it to happen.

*

…The gasping… The quivering…

*

©2014   by   Walker Ballantine

THERE’S A CRAZY MAN UPSTAIRS WITH SOMETHING IN HIS HAND

THERE’S A CRAZY MAN UPSTAIRS WITH SOMETHING IN HIS HAND

There’s a man sitting on a chair
in the middle of an empty room.

*

He’s hearing various voices, and talking
to some of them. characters he’s drawn up – but very real to him…personalities he does not
wish to lose… that arise out of and return to
some plenum void of the unconscious. In his
head he’s got almost all the characters
for a Shakespearean drama
Characters all based on real people,
some of them still alive, many of them dead,
and echoes he has heard of voices in
the night… some of them coming from
across the sea.

What’s worse is… the people downstairs,
the very real people are plotting to have him arrested….And he can hear their thoughts
The wife in particular is getting
annoyed that Charlie is constantly crushing his
medications… and snorting them… and of course
Charlie begins to get paranoid.
He endures waves of paranoid
fantasies, especially when he
is high from inhaling too much medical fuel.
When he is high he has preternatural
hearing — he can hear for miles, with a clarity
he can’t explain…it is almost supernatural
what he can hear.
And he’s hearing too much of the moralistic, complaining wife, droning on about calling the police.

Charlie: (growls in his throat) Or maybe she’s calling a priest. A S&M hooker priest with high heels and stockings
Have her read the sexual last rites to me while
berating my name…Staring down at me
with that great ass… (Charlie loves his landlady’s ass)

She: He’s cutting drugs up,
there. That’s all he’s done for days

Husband: It’s not cocaine… it’s just
anti-depressants – he snorts
them. ‘Just to curb the hunger inside.’
That’s what he said when I asked what
the fuck was he pounding and scraping at…

Husband shouts:We hear it real clear thru the floor!

She’s shouting up at the ceiling: “We hear you
when you masturbate, too!
Can’t you take it easy with the grunts and pounding, and that slapping sound?
It’s like somebody kicking a heavy bag…
What the hell is that?”

Husband: It sounds like he’s whipping
himself!

Wife: Let’s call the cops.. He’s making
horrible noises! What is he puking
up… a lung?

Husband: No! No cops around here! Last
time you called the cops on a
tenant, they almost took me away!

She grabs for the phone…

WHACK!

Wife/she: OOWEEEEEEEEEEEE!

He: You can take a punch better than that! *

She: (crying, fondling a knife in her left hand,
the hand Shaky, the husband, can’t see).

He: “He pays his rent real regular and we need it.”

She: That crazy place up the hill pays his rent.

He: Naw, he pays it. He don’t want nothin more
to do with the crazy house. By the way,
They don’t call them crazy houses anymore.
They call them asylums…It’s more polite.

Brenda: swirls the olive in her drink, Says:
“It’ll always be the nuthouse to me.”
(pause…swirls the olive, one stockinged
leg crossed over the other, high heel shoe
slowly nodding in the air)

She: “I don’t care what they call it.
If you start hearing voices, you should be
locked up. These psychos can turn on you
at any time..Soon as they’re off their
medication, their dicks work again!
That fucker upstairs, he’s hearing voices all
the time!

Husband (Shaky): He’s hearing your voice!
You can bet on that!

She: He looks at me, stares right at my crotch
and he sniffs the air.HE SNIFFS THE AIR
LIKE SOME KIND OF ANIMAL!And he
stares at my ass…with those red eyes of his.
Like some beast in the forest at night!

Cassie, the wife,she continues: “Yeah, they get off their medication, then their dicks work again.
Then all they want to do is RAPE WHITE WOMEN!

He: I get it! I understand!

She: You should see the way he looks at me! And I can tell he’s got something in his hand!

2

He: Hell, I look at you that way,too!
You cut me off that pussy of yours
for a month, I’m running around with a tent pole
looking to fuck somethin’… anything warm.She: Hey! Is that all you think I am
a warm pussy and a gorgeous ass?

He: slaps her ass, says: “I love that big ass
of yours. Right now,,, let me tongue your
asshole.. Then call me a pig, tell me how
I’m weak, indecisive & obedient… and what a pig
I am. And how I have a small cock!
She: Honey, your cock is huge that’s why
I’m with you. It’s sure not your personality.
Ha! Ha!
He: Tell me it’s small! Go ahead, insult me!
She: “You’re a moron. You’ve got the job
of a moron! And the salary to match!”
He: Not like that! You know what I mean!
(He’s jacking off)

She: “You’re a premature ejaculator
He: That’s it! (he pants) What else?
She: You’ve been soft 90% of the time all
this year..!
He… yeah, that’s good! (beating off) Keep going!
She: And when you’re not soft, your cock
is too small to bother with…
He: YES!

She: I feel that beast upstairs staring
at me… I get all tingly between
my knees…
He: Yah?
She: I want him to beat me the way
he beats his meat. I want him
to beat my ass with a stick! Then
I want him to fuck me…

He: (panting)
She: I want him to fuck me ’til I scream!
He: (gasping. His hand is a blur it’s
moving so fast)
She: I can tell by his eyes that’s he’s
got a big dick…And he knows how
to use it, too. He’d have no trouble
getting it in me. All the way in me. Deep!

He: (… …)

She: He might be crazy,
but some crazy people have huge cocks!
I just bet he’s one of them… I want him
to fuck me with his huge cock!

He: (breathing hard) Don’t stop!
She: Those rare times when you get hard…

He: yah……………..?

She: You last about a minute…

He: “urf!” (he’s masturbating wildly… making
high-pitched hooting sounds …. as if he’s
being goosed repeatedly)

She: “What kind of a man are you? You crawl
across the bed towards me….

He: (panting)

She: You try to mount me…. but you’re too
pathetic to achieve penetration…. you
know what happens…

He: (He knows what happens, all right. It’s
beginning to happen now…. his dick is
twitching, throbbing up and down… the
eye of his considerable schlong winks
at her, before)…. just before…
his member which he’s pulling at with
both hands… begins to spurt in all
directions, especially hers…

She: You came on my stockings! Just now!
Once again!.. you didn’t make it
did you?

He: Noooooo!
She: You didn’t achieve penetration!
You’re pathetic! You came on my leg!
She: You know what you have to do now,
don’t you…

He: Yes. ma’am, I sure do.
He crawls over between her legs,
pushes his nose up between the lips of her
labia.
He knows all right. Yes, he does.
He sure does. He slips his tongue deep
inside her and allows it to happen.

*

…The gasping… The quivering…

*

©2014   by   Walker Ballantine

MY FAVORITE OLD COAT

my favourite old coat
________________

infinite salvation
must be sought
in finite things

two clear mirrors
reflect
each other

I thought of all the leaders
fighting to be free
and I thought about you
hiding from the mystery

in my annihilation
Mu appears

a guitar without strings
a sound
blown by the
wind.

my favorite old
coat
is worn today
threads loosely
hanging

shreds blown away
to the clouds

(C)2019 ByW.G. Milne

NO MAPS IN WAIT-A-BIT!

WAIT-A-BIT          Part 4
_________________NO MAPS IN WAIT-A-BIT___________________
       “My name is Frank”
       “I`m glad you remembered,“ Hank mutters to himself

        I start writing again … now not saying the words out loud as I

write them:

                 I  woke up this morning with my head on a small desk

right next to the wood stove. I heard a scratching noise behind me,

and that is usually not a good thing in the Artic, when you`re living without  a door.

       I go to bed with my gun at night and I rarely clean my
clothes – so I am always ready. And I can leap out of bed and start firing like a Bonzai warrior
      You can strap that tarp down pretty tight, tho, and you can hear him if he`s on his way – the Devil Beast. I read:
   “The red eyed devil who hates us and knows out minds – the
beast with great claws and teeth who digs  better than we can
because he wants to return to Hell.”
       “The beast who eats our food and who pisses on the rest
of it, so only he can eat it later.  The beast who hides the urinated food deep in a hole of his own choosing;
who scatters our possessions. ……..Who then rapes us
improperly after the despoiling is done.”
        “Would you stop TALKING LIKE THAT!”  Hank shouts:
“It`s giving me the creeps, this Devil Beast business…. when
did you write that shit? I hope you`re not writing any more…
I don`t think I can trust you – if you`re going to keep writing stuff like that!”
      “  You sound like some evil  monk in a
subterranean cell….reading out loud by candlelight… in a
monk`s hood..” He looks over at me, he gets
down almost to his knees to look. He falls to his
knees, presses his forehead against the cool clay
of the dugout wall. He  turns and looks at me again:
“Shit! That`s what you look like, too!”
he says….
     “What you were reading out loud – It sounded vaguely liturgical”, Hank says
       ” I think we have to assume it was liturgical…” I say  “that it was a prayer of sorts…. seems like  Thomasino was praying to the Devil on Four Legs….I say.
  …..He was certain there was no escape from the Beast, the beast was surely and inexorably coming to  devour him…  …” I`m having trouble with this last bit… He`s scribbling like he didn`t have much time:   Thomasino was praying to the GREAT BEAST ON FOUR LEGS:  “Please eat my brain first!, it says, “Please eat my brain first…PLEASE! Don`t start with my testicles!“
I say,  “What!  Me? You think  Me?  I didn`t write this stuff… No, no this was a vet from South America – came up here to protect the animals..I”
          “A war vet?`asks Hank.
          “No,  a doctor…from South America, a veterinarian.  Like I said, he came up here to protect the animals.
           “THESE ANIMALS?  He came up to PROTECT…..
THESE ANIMALS!“ hANKS  shoulders are shaking, he`s laughing.. I gotta get this down… This is crazy… this is
is too crazy…. Hank is scribbling again, “A veterinarian! Ha! Ha!”
      “Yeah!      I just found his diary. I was reading it to myself..”
        “OUT LOUD!“ He turns to me.   “You were reading OUT LOUD!   It sounded as if you were saying a prayer… it sounded like you were praying to the Devil Beast…?”….  „„ “You weren`t, were you?”
           ” Of course not!”“Do I LOOK as if I`d do something like that?”
             “In that hat with 4 screens, you look as if you might
do anything at all!”
             “When we fix that door,  I won`t have to sleep in these screens. Then I`ll look normal,  you`ll see… and Matilda will, too.” I said.
              I nod my head and whisper to him the name – “Matilda.”
           Hank`s got his note pad out again, which delights me! I used to do the same thing exactly – whenever I smelt the whiff of a story.
             He still thinks he`ll get a story out of this.  And when
the story`s finished, he`ll give it to the newspaper  And,  after that?”
           “After that you`ll hit the road, eh, Jack?”„, C-U-LATER!“ Is that what you`re thinking
            “Yeah, I have to.. I got my story… too bad about
 no job, no boss Henry..no newspaper building, no school,
no A&P… no…  ….But I never knew him….”
           “You got a map?” he asked.He`s standing again, almost.
                “Maps, we had maps galore…. But
after the blast, there weren`t no  maps no more.”
                  Hank had started to untie the tarp;he`d walked over to the tarp hole
                   “No maps… no more…. no maps by the door.“I said
                 ” Do you think you have brain damage?“ Hank asks
                   “That`s a hell of a question to ask, just as you`re
trying to leave!  Do you mean me?” I say
                  “ I mean  everybody here in town, but you especially,”Hank say
                   “We coulnd`t find anything…. except twisted up re-bar  for our  foxhole walls… without the rebar… and all those beasts in the lowlands before the River, we would have been fucked!   They can`t dig thru re-bar, you see… So now we`re better off – we`re not totally fucked.  We`re just completely screwed…”    I`m saying.
                “WHAT?” he shouts.  His eyes are crazed.
                  “Soon as the ringing in our ears cleared, we remembered we were hungry” To tell the truth. we couldn`t remember our own names , let alone the name of our town… and so  WE CAN`T FIND ANYTHING ON A MAP…    EVEN IF WE HAD A MAP, which…….. we…………don`t….we don know what names to match on the map….
                 “WE DON`T HAVE A MAP!“ i shout back at him
                    At least that was clear.
                             ***  ***  ***

 END OF WAIT-A-BIT  – Part 4

THE PIER?NO! THE PIERRE

BOBBY WILDMAN LANDS A BEAVER….A SKULL WINKS AT ME AT THE PIERRE….ORAL SEX WITH A STRANGE GIRL UNDER MY TABLE

 

LYING ON THE CARPET AT THE PIERRE, A SKULL WINKS AT ME…..DRUGS AND WOMEN….ORAL SEX BENEATH A TABLE….KNOCK OUT PILLS AND P.C.P.
WHO ARE THESE DEAD FOLKS?                                                           ( zappadat.tumblr.com)

DRUGS AND WOMEN, KNOCK OUT PILLS AND P.C.P……KISSING THE CARPET AT THE PIERRE, A SKULL WINKS AT ME….ORAL LOVE BENEATH A TABLE

          This hangover is SPECTACULAR! Don`t get me wrong,
I feel bad… but I also have that crystal clarity
that makes me think I can see for 100 miles
and call the ravens out of the white pine from way back
here.
An old pal is getting out of the Inuvik Jail, where they`ve had him in the hole for that last 72 days.I guess they`ve had him there for the last eight months.
He`s a quiet fellow, never makes a fuss ho! ho! and
will hit town like a Okkie tornado and freight train all rolled up in one and come whistling down the river hopefully in a bush plane – he`s not high enough for travel by levitation just yet. I imagine we`re going to fix that.

  1.       We have a tragedy on our hands at the moment –

    we`re out of hooch, internal bug spray – let`s call that

    High Mountain Moonshine Overproof Special Yahoo! That`s the name of this blend…but it`s almost gone.

    I woke up this morning because I was buzzed
    by a Beaver.
    I`m not talking about a blonde in tight jeans
    about to sit on my nose – no! I`m talking about
    a Canadian bushplane/floatplane which makes quite
    a roar when it`s coming in –  buzzing your cabin, or coming
    down to land at a ridiculous speed.
    I knew who it was.  It had to be
    Bobby Carl Wildman, who had just been sprung from a jail
    only 400 miles down river.
    He`d be  rarin` to go.
    Problem with Bobby – he gets an idea in his head
    it stays in his head until something is done about it.
    Most of his ideas involve motion for everybody else.
    You could say that`s part of his charm, and sometimes
    you`d be right.
    His last name is Wildman and he acts like a Wildman,
    and every time he comes by: I have a near death experience.

    We usually follow a plan, take off in some direction
    and see what the hell`s going on over there. If nothing`s happening; that changes pretty quick.

    Once I was lying on my back  relaxing in a canoe in at Trout Lake in cottage country. The waves were rocking me like a little baby in his cradle. And the sun is warm on my face.I was listening to the song of birds.
    All of a sudden there was an
    was an explosion on the shoreline, much much louder than a firecracker. It was Robbie arriving.Robbie showed up with a couple of suspicious looking fellas in a white limousine.
    Next morning at 5:00 A.M. I wake up in New York City. With no memory whatsoever of how I got there.
    I look up and admire the plaster moulding between ceiling and wall . It`s good carved work. Then I hear the constant traffic flow… WTF?
    Then I forced myself up onto all fours – and I started
    to crawl. It seemed like a long journey across an
    endless desert.  What drug gives you tunnel vision and
    and totally fucks your depth perception, too… so that a foot
    can seem like a crab at the bottom of a cliff… What drug can make a luxurious rug at the Hotel Pierre look
    like the Gobi desert?
    What FOOL would take such a drug„,Am I that much of a fool… Oh, no! No negative script right now, revolving in my swollen brain….I don`t have time to be depressed.  Yes,
    I might be an utter shit; I might be spit on a windowpane –
    but if we don`t clear this room they`re gonna put me away forever…
    In one of those cheap government asylums,
    where all the patients are numbers walking around with their asses exposed.  Eight AM and they bring out the firehose –
    they start hosing the `residents` down with cold water…
    No need for showers…. and when they put you in immaculate white solitary confinement, that`s when, under the bright lights they let the spiders loose on you..! You can see `em real well against the bright white floor and sheets… then you`ll scream…. yes, then…scream….  you will!
    There are certain parts of YOUR body they like to eat when you`re sleeping.
    STOP IT. That`s all in my head.. No one`s turning the spiders loose on you – not quite yet,  anyway…. Now open your eyes and get a grip….

    Not acid, not cocaine, not crystal meth or MDA, not
    herb… although herb sometimes can do amazing things
    with colour… not Haldol, methadone or amitriptyline, not most of the prescription drugs… although there are
    some exceptions if taken to excess…not PCP„, not PCP….
    oh God!  Not PCP!!  What have we done?
    Why are all these bodies lying in our room.  On PCP
    you can do any monstrous thing… you might think it`s for the good of society that you`re choking the life out of your high school teacher…
    You might feel sorry for homeless people, then kill them all and drag them to your room in the Hotel Pierre
    so they`d be warm and not feel so alone anymore.     Schostokovitch! Is that what we have done?  Are any of the people alive? Am I  a certified monster, after all? 
    Were my friends in primary school right all along about what
    I would become?  On PCP, all of the above is possible
            “THEY`RE GOING TO HUNT US DOWN LIKE DOGS! “I whisper to myself.

             “get a grip…. first of all you`ve gotta go and catch that prick over there….“   I`m crawling again, trying not to puke… He can`t hear me.  I`m too quiet.

    The bastard`s over there in the corner hunched over the telephone talking rapidly.He looked like he was 100 miles away…. I had tunnel vision. WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?
    I have a wad of money in each of my front pockets… Have we robbed these people then terminated their lives?.
    Did we chop them up? I had a horrible taste in my
    mouth just then…it tasted like last night`s  liver and
    onions.Did we eat their LIVERS! Are we harvesting organs?

    I can`t crawl far or fast… from all fours I collapse on my stomach. In the rug I smell something sweet. My…

  2. My nose is in something soft… Dear God,it`s a hand! It`s perfume I smell… With my eye I follow  the hand along the arm up  to the head. The eye in the head opens.  The eye is huge

    and seems to be following me as I attempt to crawl away

    I`m about to make an exit on my knees…

    It sees me: “HEY, COOCHIE!” It shouts at me.

    “Thank God!“  I`m thinking. It`s alive! Do I have to kill

    it again?”

    I clutch the back of Rob`s collar and pull him
    onto the rug with me. So he`s at my level: “YOU FOOL! WHAT HAPPENED? “ I hiss.
    “No one`s sure.  Remember those two honchos in the limo.
    “Just barely.
    “Well, we rode in the car with them for five hours.  You told all kinds of funny stories….
    “OK OK. what happened!
    They gave five pills of that date rape drug.  They told me to try it out.
    You gave it to yourself?
    Sure, why not?
    “You give the pill to your date, not yourself You`re supposed to give that pill to the woman and SHE passes out. Then you jump on her and do your evil deeds…  And then you`re facing ten years in the slammer…

    The way you did it: “WE passed out. You can tell the guys it worked! too well…It turned us into killers, also!

    “WHAT ARE ALL THOSE BODIES DOING IN OUR ROOM?  A HEAD OPENED ITS EYES

    AND TALKED TO ME!”

    He looked at me for a long time. I was just about to pull out one of his teeth  with my bare hands if he didn`t speak up.
    He said: “That pill really got on top of you, didn`t it?“
    I say:  “What pill, you fool!  What the fuck happened?  Our room looks like Cambodea after a massacre!  WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING WITH THE BODIES!”
    Rob looks at me as if he`d never met me before,
    “Those aren`t bodies!   That`s Shula and  those are her friends! They`re all alive, I think, anyway.
    We met last night…. drank several gallons of beer.
    You must remember Shula.  She was giving you oral love under the table!“
    “I`m hallucinating are you?” I ask (I`m not mentioning
    the evil grin the HEAD haS given me)
    “Yeah, quite a bit actually… How about you? You took three times what I took… oh yeah, and the boys said there
    might be a little PCP mixed in it just to keep you awake… so any weird thoughts you`re having – forget `em.“
    I didn`t say a word. So he continued his explanation:
    “You climbed up onto the stage and did a slow striptease.Shayla got up, too, and stripped with you. The whole place went wild; the bar was mayhem.  The bouncers and the bartenders were freaking. Then you got up on a table and…things settled down when you were talking..at least at first….
    “Then you made a speech about “LIBERATION” and  things got way way worse…everybody got up on the tables throwing their glasses against the wall… Cops were called. We got out quick  We have a room here…”
    “OK, I understand.  But there`s something we`ve gotta do first. Come back into the room with me and we`ll check their vital signs.“

    I woke up this morning full of doubt and recriminations.Guilts of all manner were trickling past my ears into my enlarged mind.  I can`t drink a bottle of whiskey straight without water and expect to survive.  I could do it when I was twenty-one but even then it was a bad idea.
    These days it`s damn nearly suicide
    I have that clarity that means you`ve just dumped about a billion brain cells.

    Another time we ended up in Peru.
    That another story, one for a more adult audience. Ho! Ho! Joking, of course.  You can imagine what Bobby got up to in Peru – with Peruvian flake cocaine selling for $10.  a gram.
    I`m admitting nothing, naturally.  We went up into the Andes and we were consumed with snow.
    I remember that sudden vacation a whole lot better.
    I have a very Klear memory of it.

    Another time six of  us were just arriving back at Pearson International Airport (Toronto). I was with a bunch
    of Danes (Gerd, especially). They had just introduced me
    to Aquavit. I had six glasses of it then fell asleep behind the wheel. (Wish I had a glass of it now!)
    I drove into a concrete abutment, attempting to leave the parking garage. We weren`t going fast, but even

    at 10 MPH you can have quite a collision.There were six of us in the car.
    I drove an Oldsmobile Cutlass straight  into a cement  abutment   I WAS AWAKENED BY THE SCREAMS OF MY PASSENGERS.

    Usually within three days of Wildman`s arrival, some disaster happens

    Bobby kicks the door open  and shouts: “I NEED SOME HEROIN!”
    I just stared at him from across the room….   ….  …  You son of a bitch? YOU MAD BASTARD! You know there`s no heroin in Rat River! For the last month
    we haven`t even had salt!“
    “Fuck that! I came to pick you up!  Time for a party… I`m just out of jail and you look out of your mind.
    “What`s wrong with you — you look like you`re dying!”
    “Isolation sickness.  Mad Po left for a booze purchase
    three weeks ago.  At first the silence was wonderful…now, not so much.

           “Forget that! It`s time for a party I`ve got $32,000 and I want to spend it!

    Bobby waves to the pilot.  An engine starts up

    down the river.

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