i woke up this morning, “The blues was on my mind”
Sounds like the beginning of a song… No, woke up and
walked to the mirror first thing. Two blood red eyes –
big ones – were staring back at me.
     I`m reading some papers on my desk… about
heaven and hell…Screw heaven and hell, that`s what
I say.

      I got a call at 3:00AM from the ORGASM CLINIC
to the south of me. The chief psychologist (the only one
with a sense of humour) was discussing moving
out east, doing some psychological work
on an army base.
      Some of the young men returning from
Afghanistan needed help. And that`s fair enough
 – you see a child get blown to bits before breakfast, it`s going to mess with you deeply.
       For now they need distraction…. after they`ve
been in this country for over a year, then they
need psychological assistance.
       What`s the best distraction, the best way
of relieving trauma and tension? (Other than
lovemaking, of course)
       Laughter is the best medicine, whatever
the situation, that`s my opinion. Of course
there are situations in which it`s impossible
to laugh… but let`s forget them for now. 
        There are also scores of hard-working,
earnest women in this country, who cannot quite
reach orgasm – due to a fucked-up
religious upbringing… with all those
hidden messages…
         “You can`t do this… God will never forgive you;
you can`t do that, you`ll be stepping into
the devil`s lair” Hogwash and bullshit! But if
we have these hidden, unspoken messages 
deep down inside… they can be terrible inhibitors.
         These messages we absorb from early
childhood never have to face a critical
arbiter … They have crept  into your system
before you could think, before you ever
wanted to think.
         So now you have these unseen messages
in your system which inform your actions…
and you don`t even know about them…
A religious voice from your grandma could 
be saying, “You can`t relax now… not when
you`re naked. People want to USE  you!
So tighten up, tense up and be on your guard!”
          And these messages will not be overcome
unless the stimulus is strong.  That`s why
I advocate the use of vibrators in stubborn cases,
and pneumatic drills if necessary!
          Whatever it takes! There must be
a coup within… The unseen moralistic
voices must be overthrown in your inner kingdom.
          It`s often not easy….In a thirty-five
year old woman, the inner regime has had
lots of time to build up its defences – 30 years
of re-enforcing the walls… You`ll never reach
orgasm with normal sex… maybe later, yes,
but now what you need, dear lady, is an
irresistible invading force that will break
down any resisting scruples you have…
when you`re “doing the dirty deed”, “acting
like a dog in the street”
 dealing with the urges that come from
“Down There!”
           Perhaps this is why most women
have secret rape fantasies that they tell no
one about… because they need that restrictive
moralistic citadel within to be overthrown.
           Often it takes more than one person
working together in the `invading force`
in order to breach the walls.

          All those sayings parents come up with
when they`re trying to tell you how special
you are: “A person of your quality need never cry.”
That`s a dandy one.
          Parents are not trying to twist and screw
up your love life beyond all recognition. No,
parents for the most part are trying to protect
you. And you knew that and your trusted them and
you believe everything they say….
        No critical arbiter  need be passed. These
parental sayings in early childhood never have to
“clear customs, so to speak”.  They never pass
through a rational assessment… And deep
down inside. they might be your dearest beliefs.
         There are many kinds of tragedy, and being
blown up by a bomb is just one of them, living
in a psychological trap is a kind of death
          For this reason the psychologist should stay
here, deal with the stricken you have around
you. Forget about going East.

          Of course, I`m biased. Also, the clinic
needs the help. We need every 
psychologically-trained brain and every sense
of humour we can find.

          Laughter’s just the tiniest bit like
orgasm, isn’t it?

(C)2015 by W.G. Milne                

One thought on “HUMOUR AND ORGASM

  1. Reblogged this on THE DAILY RANT and commented:

    This article is frequently banned…! (?) WHY? Must be the “O” word….

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