expressions, sayings, paragraphs A WRITER’S NOTEBOOK

Walker Ballantine I love the early morning mists on Trout Lake at this time of the year. When the sun breaks through, you’re in a golden moment in your canoe; and because it is early morning, there is silence everywhere.
 *****************
Truth of the matter, I was hanging on to lots of these songs, until I got em properly copyrighted etc. Is this any attitude for a rock musician to have? No, it’s not. I got some sorta bad news from the doctor,,, so I figured, FUCK IT!” I’m gonna release ’em all!
************************************************
PIMPER’S PARADISE by Bob Marley

I always found this to be quite a sad song. “Now she’s laughing when here ain’t no joke”.. drug addicted lady of the evening. I knew many of them…and I never judged.
At least the hookers are honest – they’re supporting a child, or (more likely a habit).
I was, too, and I very often ended up alone sitting on the steps of some post office in the rain at 3:00 A.M. These gals were my friends… and we lived similar lives.
I played and sang on 1000 stages. I’d meet the ladies again at FORD DRUGS at about 4:00 AM, just before the dawn we had breakfast, eggs sunny side up and bacon and a double order of toast. It was
right next to the Zanzibar strip house and tavern. That’s where I slept at night. That’s where I learned to sing the blues and play rhythm guitar with bass runs and quick melodic leads. A lot of these women disappeared…
I never saw these ladies again. I never heard and laughed at their clever conversations. They ended up dead in dumpsters. They were vulnerable and I wasn’t. I wish I’d helped them more. No one knows where they have gone.

 

*****************************************************

 

 

                  Millie was offended by a poem I wrote. I tell her and       I tell other people, “The poem’s a joke.  It’s crazy to take it

 personally.”

                   Here’s the poem:



“My first wife tried to use a                     club on me,

My second wife she tried a                        dagger;

My third wife is working with                   attrition:

I think I’d better bag her;


I’ll keep her in the basement,

Make her work real hard,

I’ll let her see the sunlight,

When she’s done her chores.”



See what I mean?

They are hardly immortal lines, but the poem’s good for a bit of fun.

 

“She attacked your oak door  with

a ball peen hammer. Yesterday. She was

mumbling obscenities all the time – like a

madwoman.


        So I’m thinking, “Hell, she is crazy! What am I doing?”


        Charlie comes in. “It’s like she’s got

some personal vendetta against you. “You

shouldda heard the things she said about you yesterday, when you were out!”


         “Yeh, I know what you mean…”


Charlie says: “She’s talking about physical violence against you. She vows to pull your balls off with a hay hook.”


            “That’s why I hide… Behind double-locked  oak doors. TWO oak  doors with dead bolts and sliding bolts… And one bolt in the floor… For fuck’s sake, don’t give her this

address!”


             “Don’t worry,” sez Charlie.

              “Are you sure you weren’t followed?”

               “Positive,” he says.


               “I just need a little silence, some space

in which to breathe…”


                Two minutes of blessed quiet. We sat and looked at the wall. The pattern of cracks in the plaster… looked a little like Africa… no thoughts… Ah, silence at last.


                Then a voice from the parking lot below shouts


               “I KNOW YOU’RE UP THERE,

PIG-FUCKER!”


          

A gun shot rings out. I recognize

the sound. It’s the sound of a 12 gauge shotgun.

                              

                  *************

  • Up north here, we have the notion of the Trickster God. I’m writing stories about a community close to the Arctic Circle…. Up there if you go into a bar – you can make fun of the Protestant/Catholic God, but if you start making fun of the Trickster, people will avoid your for months. you’ll clear the bar in ten minutes. And no one will talk to you. It’s the same thing in Jamaica (where I grew up). If you make fun of Duppys in an overproof bar, you’ll clear the place. and people with think you’re an idiot for a long time, maybe forever. These people know what these ghosts and gods can do.

    I like to think we were brought together by the Lord of hosts, or Vishnu perhaps….. A Lord of benificence.

     

     *
    And to let strength be stable and unhindered.
    to let strength be stable = that has been a problem for me… I’m up and down like an alternating current. Strength has come from a movement between 2 extremes. But I do know what you mean. If I’m being honest, I am in that place much of the time these days.
Beloved, You Puzzle Me !
Beloved, You puzzle me, Whether it is the solace, That you present me with, through your ink, Or if it is the chaos, That you force upon me, with your silence, You appear,  And you vanish with a wink, Tell me, What do I fathom of your disappearance? (c) S.S

Beloved, You Puzzle Me !

Beloved, You Puzzle Me !
thefallingmaples.blogspot.in

Beloved, You Puzzle Me !

Beloved,
You puzzle me,
Is it the solace,
That you present me with, through your ink,
Is it the chaos,
That you force upon me, with your silence?
You appear, 
And you vanish with a wink,
Tell me,
What do I fathom of your disappearance?
 *****************************************************
 What a gorgeous poem!
***************************************************

  • Fate as the Trickster… and the Greek gods hated hubris, which I am prone to from time to time.

  • Saturday
  • Shilpa Sandesh
    10/29, 11:50am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    I strongly believe that it is at this point of your life that you would pen your best work

  • Walker Ballantine
    10/29, 12:27pm

    Walker Ballantine

    I suspect you’re right. There’s a wisdom abiding within you. I can feel it in your words — your heart and soul come through.

    across the miles

    the miles aren’t relevant

  • Saturday
  • Shilpa Sandesh
    10/29, 10:12pm

    Shilpa Sandesh

    🙂 It’s very generous of you to say that 🙂

  • Sunday
  • Walker Ballantine
    10/30, 10:41am

    Walker Ballantine

    Not generous, just truthful.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    10/30, 12:53pm

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Thank you 🙂

    Experiences bring the wisdom sometimes

  • Walker Ballantine
    10/30, 12:56pm

    Walker Ballantine

    Yes. And I assume we both have had some dandies. ie: I spent 90 days in the dark in solitary confinement, with an asbestos top and no pants… barefoot and bare-assed…

    nothing to read or write with… it’s where I learned meditation… and some other more nefarious things

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    10/30, 12:59pm

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Meditation is the true path….sometimes require self realization and at other times it’s a forced self realization

  • Walker Ballantine
    10/30, 1:01pm

    Walker Ballantine

    I agree. Realization is the key… I had my “foundation experience” when I was 23,

    but I was not psychologically prepared for it.

    Decades later, it is the one experience I cannot doubt. In the Gospel of Phillip it is said,”Resurrection must occur in this life, for it will not happen after your death.”

    So many lies were told by the legions & the Empire Church – Christianity has been screwed from the beginning… so much so that few have sought the path.

    I hope I’m not depressing you. This has been my passion.

    I still give short encouragements in The Gnostic Gospels groups facebook & google +.

    I;m not sure what your path is – but it seems to be working.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    10/30, 1:09pm

    Shilpa Sandesh

    I follow spiritualism….believe in self realization….which can never be forced upon or imposed….it just happens

    I read Bible, Quran, Rumi, Shams Tabriz….. Anything that satiates my soul

    🙂

    The days of material blindness are over for me

  • Walker Ballantine
    10/30, 1:17pm

    Walker Ballantine

    I believe you. I can feel it. For me its the Buddhist and Hindu faiths, Rumi, the Sufis, and the newly discovered ancient Gospels of the Christian faith – the true ones , the Gospel of Thomas, earlier source gospel for the Bible… My realization was in the Mind of Christ – to understand what had happened to me, I had to go to a Buddhist temple. Excuse me, Shilpa, I’m talking too much.

    \

  • Sunday
  • Walker Ballantine
    10/30, 10:40pm

    Walker Ballantine

    Truth be told, I haven’t read Rumi in ten years

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    10/30, 11:02pm

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Have you ever been to the Po Lin monastery in Hong Kong?

    I haven’t seen a more peaceful place…..peace that appeals to the inner self and not just to the substantial self

  • Walker Ballantine
    1:49am

    Walker Ballantine

    No, I haven’t. I spent some time in Hong Kong and sat in various places and took landscape notes… I have never heard of the Po Lin monastery. Thanks for mentioning.

    There is a certain cliff top near here (North Bay, Ontario) where I lived in a hut. I find peace there. Unfortunately some people burned the place down.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    4:35am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    The monastery is near the Lantau Island….from where one has to take the cable cars to go there

    May be burning down the place was to indicate that you have now achieved the peace within you and are no slave to any specific place

  • Walker Ballantine
    4:37am

    Walker Ballantine

    I have taken the cable car but I didn’t see the monastery…. maybe I was in Kowloon, not the island…

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    4:38am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    I will look for pictures and send you

  • Walker Ballantine
    4:39am

    Walker Ballantine

    Thank you…

  • Walker Ballantine
    4:45am

    Walker Ballantine

    Are you often up through the night, as I am?

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    4:46am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    I sleep once in 3-4 nights

  • Walker Ballantine
    4:47am

    Walker Ballantine

    Ah, I used to stay up three nights. Two’s my limit these days… remarkable!

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    4:47am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    haha

    remarkable!

  • Walker Ballantine
    4:48am

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    5:41am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Writing helps me get over things….but then it does not at times

    But meditation is always there

    Sleeps don’t matter then

  • Walker Ballantine
    5:41am

    Walker Ballantine

    What are you trying to get over?

    Is that too personal?

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    5:43am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Yes actually

  • Walker Ballantine
    5:54am

    Walker Ballantine

    If you’re blue, this one might cheer you up!

    All the best from Walker/William & Johnny Rock. (And there are several more personae I’m hiding.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    5:55am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Thank you William

    May I ask why were you imprisoned?

    Only if you are comfortable sharing

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:03am

    Walker Ballantine

    Oh, I’m comfortable with you. I feel as if I’ve known you for a long time,

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:06am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Thank you

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:06am

    Walker Ballantine

    I shot a man who had a knife at my throat for about two hours…then my mother walked into my house with dinner. He put a knife to her throat… So I took action. I didn’t know the man’s psychiatric past.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:12am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Oh…. Self defense

    Has life been a chaos since before that or after that?

    Please excuse the auto type errors

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:29am

    Walker Ballantine

    Something of a chaos after that. The verdict was “use of too much force in self defense”. All I can say is the jury should have met this rather large skilled man on PCP. They would have fled the courthouse.

    After that I was suspended from the practice of law and I was not permitted to perform on stage… so I moved north. I built a cabin on a cliff. I drank a bit. I have a tendency towards mania. The mix of Canadian rye whisky & a manic state… well, they don’t mix. I had a tendency to climb things.

    My next arrest I had climbed a church steeple under a full moon and I was ringing the bells at 3:00AM, shouting, “FOOLS! FOOLS! WAKE UP! LOOK AT THE MOON!”

    I spent a month in jail after that one. I had awakened most of the city (on a work night!) I’m not sorry about that one. I still laugh about it.

    Then of course came the psychiatric assessments. It was supposed to be for 30 days – they kept me for six months. They gave me an IQ test and couldn’t believe the results… so they kept testing me every few weeks… The results didn’t change so they got very interested in me.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:30am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Well the church thing made me laugh too….m sorry

    How old are you?

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:32am

    Walker Ballantine

    Hell, don’t be sorry! It WAS funny! The guards in the jail were laughing about it,. too.

    59. Yet I feel pretty healthy. I can probably still climb a lamp post.

    But I stay in a lot.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:34am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Yeah,,,,,I was wondering how athletic you must be to have climbed up there to ring the bell

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:37am

    Walker Ballantine

    Oh yeah I’m athletic… bit of a stomach now, but I have shoulders like a gorilla. I never had any problems in jail.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:38am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    You should mix exercises with writing….nothing better than blending physical wellness with mental escape

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:39am

    Walker Ballantine

    I was arrested 4 or five more times… drinking…lamp posts – when I moved to town I scared the neighbours…. (wasn’t trying to… It just came naturally)

    Yeah, you’re right. I got a bicycle… A 2 wheeler.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:41am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Oh please rescue yourself from all that! Start afresh……and I bet it would help a lot in meditation too

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:42am

    Walker Ballantine

    Thanks, my dear. I am moving that way.

    Slowly.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:44am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    good…perfect

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:45am

    Walker Ballantine

    Talk soon I hope. I’m going to bicycle over & return a library book. Good talking to you.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:46am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    Same here….go ahead….don’t climb anywhere today

    I will get on with office work

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:47am

    Walker Ballantine

    Ha! Ha! No, I’m stark raving sober!

    Your office work is working.

  • Shilpa Sandesh
    6:48am

    Shilpa Sandesh

    I write from home

  • Walker Ballantine
    6:49am

    Walker Ballantine

    Me, too. I’m at my desk now. Soon I have to index my manuscripts… go thru 80 notebooks. Please be safe today.

    Me, too. I’m at my desk now. Soon I have to index my manuscripts… go thru 80 notebooks. Please be safe today.

 

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