What had happened to me?

I wanted to know

on that Christmas morning

all alone


I saw one star

amid a sky of cloud

I didn’t understand

it wasn’t possible


and I wondered with all those lost     dreams

where I had gone

and lost myself beneath the wave

beyond the farthest mountain

under the sea

where lady with her red dress

was waiting

II saw fear in the great mirages
success, death, happiness
little did I know that
none of those
was permanent
I had to seem so tough
to confront you
a regular he-man
a regular screw
whatever happened to the child I knew
in the land of Nod?

then I started laughing

I laughed with that last star
as God’s eye opened
and blessed me from afar
from beyond the rusted alleys
and the wasted streets
and the dull grey depression
that greets every success-bound
boy – a real rube I was
to some other tune
but then the laughter started
I don’t know when it came
I just knew  I no longer

was the same


the dark days had broken

their bats’ wings on the walls

your gloomy illusion

did completely fall

and I was free again

free as I had been

free as the open skies

above a sheath of rain




free as the dark wildcat

with her quivered thighs

free as the sweet child

who no longer fears the night


free as the lost shepherd

coming home again

free as all the little boys

lost in the rain

with just a leather jacket

and nothing in his pants

free as the dark pines

towering over me


with a great Significance

oh don’t ask what it means

free without the dark tide

that consumed my life

free as the lost chickens

playing in the grass

free as the adolescents

checking out the ass

of every passing schoolgirl

free as horses and maidens

sailing ships that pass


free as fourth of July crackers

as a madman’s laugh

free as crickets in the night

and the crimson tide of death


free as dark beginnings

so lost then in the night

free as bears in the forest

walking on my path

and now in the forest laughing

laughing a new laugh


free as Christmas morning

with a little child

free as all true lovers

across the miles

free as broken English

on a sea-side holiday

free as new tires squealing

at the crack of day


free as the dark night

when all is lost

free as the new morning

drenched in the rain


and now I’m here without you

and I’m glad again

whatever did happen

to all the pain?




(C)2000 by W.G. Milne


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