HOW TO GET MEDIA ATTENTION WHEN YOU’RE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
(1) SAY OR DO SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS.
(2) There will be a furor, an outraged protest
about what you have said or done…
INSULT THE PROTESTORS!
(3) When various groups come out against you,
and even more of the same ethnic groups
start to hate you…
INSULT THEIR PARENTAGE!
BERATE AND MOCK AND INSULT THIS TYPE OF PEOPLE,
STRESS THEIR INADEQUACIES!!
MAKE FUN OF THEIR LAUGHABLE LACK OF MECHANICAL SKILLS…
INSULT THE QUALITY OF THE ROTTEN CARS THEY MAKE AND DRIVE
(4) When asked by the press what the hell you think you’re doing,
explain to the reporters that they are not well enough educated
to even write a sentence properly. State that their editors,
all of them, are mentally challenged; and the owners are
so insufficient financially, that: “THEY COULDN’T EVEN RUN
A SHOESHINE PARLOR!”
THEN OFFER PROOF OF WHAT YOU SAY!
(5 ) When people scream that you are a racist… Put on a show,
LOOK PERPLEXED, AS IF YOU ARE THINKING ON THE MATTER.
DON’T CLARIFY. DO NOT EXPLAIN…DISAVOW!!
THEN MAKE A STATEMENT THAT IS OBVIOUSLY UNTRUE.
(6) Enjoy a quiet interlude, have cognac for
a few hours… watch cable T.V.
CALL UP A TELEVISION STATION AND INSULT A POPULAR
FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR. TELL HER SHE’S TOO STUPID
TO READ THE NEWS, SAY YOU CAN SEE HER ARTICULATION
TELL HER YOU’LL GIVE HER A JOB ANYWAY…
YOU’LL PAY HER PLENTY TO COME OVER TO YOUR HOTEL
AND MASSAGE YOUR FEET FOR A FEW HOURS…
(5) BE SURE TO INSULT YOUR POLITICAL OPPONENTS.
EVERY CHANCE YOU GET, CALL ONE OF THEM A LIAR!
STRESS THAT YOUR OTHER OPPONENT IS TOO SMALL
OF STATURE TO EVER BE PRESIDENT, AND HIS BRAIN IS
TOO SMALL TO CONSIDER BIG ISSUES.
Hire extra security and learn to duck quickly
(6) GO BACK TO NUMBER 1
A REPEAT ALL FIVE STEPS
(C) 2016 by W.G. Milne