WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? YOU LIED! WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON? THERE’S A NEW (DOCTOR) CHIEF AT THE SCHOOL FOR MYSTICS!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!———— YOU LIED TO ME! TELL ME… WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON!……. A NEW ‘DOCTOR’ OF THE SCHOOL FOR MYSTICS.

 
           I’ve spent most of my life trying to 
figure out what the hell is going on
here, in this place where we are…
on this planet…Ever since they flicked
on the spotlights at my sudden birth.
        Do you ever look at a tree and say,
“How’d that get here?”
        “Yeah, we call it a tree…and we think we
know what that is. But does anyone
know what a tree means here on this
weird planet which spins…
           … on which the sun is bright… 
the air is clear…travelling beings, we are –
through space on a the crust of a  symmetrical
 rock, molten inside – zipping along
 at thousands of miles per second
on a parabolic  course which repeats itself
through the seasons… year after
year

             And what the fuck is this?
Running over my hands… clear
like quicksilver…. 
             We don’t know what the water is,
let’s not kid ourselves. ‘We have convenient names
for things we only half see’.   *
         There is a great confusion in names.
Once something has a name, we tend to ignore
its reality. We have this name, “racqoon”(sp?) or
“crow” and it’s settled then, we know what
an animal  is because we’ve named him.
         ‘Names make us blind to the true nature
of things’   **
          But I can tell you one thing. Very few
people really know a crow… To know a crow
you have to spend time with a crow… I spent
six months with a crow in my living room
and I tell you what – a crow is very different than what
I had assumed a crow to be, until I had one
eating out of my cereal bowl in the morning…
and swooping down to pluck french off my three
year old child’s plate…
         Crows are fast, very fast. A crow’s beak
tends to be faster than our hands… and crows
like shiny objects and can use tools.Unfortunately,
crows have a tendency to hide these objects, such as
car keys and essential tools.
      And crows remember things. I’m not sure exactly what kind of things are stored away in those beady-eyed heads… But remember this, a crow can hold a grudge. 
A crow can remember 200 hiding places…
        And a crow can fly down to Carolina
in the winter and fly back the next spring
and land on your lawn right beside you as if
nothing has happened.
        
        What we don’t know about crows is what
we don’t know about every thing , living or not,
animate or inanimate. We don’t know what air
is and how it got here – just right for us to breathe.

           There is a basic weirdness about things***…
You ever noticed? You ever looked closely
at a bat’s wing, the eyes on a peacock’s tail,
the eyes of a trout?
           Or  an otter . Or an apple,
a mango or an orange. We take these things
for granted.  But we don’t know what they are.
We do not fully digest the amazing fact
of the presence of these thing.
           Some days I step outside on a bright
and sunny day and I say, “Holy shit!  Who turned
on the lights?”
           
            This is why I honour hallucinogenic
plants and their medicines. They increase the
rate information leaps across the synapses
of the brain. We see things we have never
seen before. And we see people and objects
in an entirely different way.
             Such a change of perspective
is essential to the mystical quest.
              There is so much it is necessary to unlearn.

             Mystic have used sacred plants since
the beginning of time. Since I have been awarded a doctorate at the School for Mystics, I feel I can speak 
freely about this subject I have been studying
for years.

               Of course, you don’t need to use
hallucinogens to have a mystical experience or an experience of the sacred… 
               You can get the same effect by not eating
food two weeks, by drinking only water. Then sounds
begin to irritate you… and you have stomach cramps
 but really and truly you have a different perspective on things.
          You know things are weird, yea, likely sacred, too,
But you can’t experience the vision for long…
well, yes you can experience the vision… …
as you’re sitting on the toilet, doing a purge that
no one thought was needed, and certainly not you.
You didn’t want the purge, or anything that resemmbeled it.
          Sometimes treatments just creep up on you. Sometimes the interns just creep up on you, when
you haven’t agreed to or signed on to a particular
procedure.
   
        You had no such intent. You wanted to
focus on the eye of the universe, not the eye
of you ass…
                Though both exercises can engender
 “deep” experiences… you wanted an in depth experience.
Well, I must say, even in the School For Mystics,
nothing is guaranteed.  You pay your quarter, swallow
the elixir and take the ride.


                I must say to you, though: which ever
approach you take on the mystical path,
you must be comfortable with your bodily functions.
Don’t even take a step on the path to completion,
 if  vomiting or  total anal purges  disturb your sensitivity.

                Nobody said this would be easy…
                
              Even if you take the more
expeditious path, body purges will still
be necessary. No point in taking a rare
medicine, if you have a clogged up system.
 
                
                 Travel to foreign countries will give
you a different perspective also. I have travelled 
all over the globe meditating in places of power. 
                (And I missed a lot of good parties
 because I did this.  And one or two women have
left me, through sheer exasperation).
                 
                There are many mystical techniques,
but not all of them are legal.
                It has to do with what you  wear,
what you eat and don’t eat, when you ingest
sacred entities, and when you don’t.
                But first of all what you need is the
enquiring mind of the mystic. If the first thing
you think of when you step out your door is,
“What the hell is going on on this planet?  What’s
that, who’s this?”  etc.
                Then we can start talking about
techniques of cleansing, psychological preparations,
meditating techniques:    (First) How to focus.
                                     (Second)  How to see.

* I better put this into Walker Ballantine’s book of aphorisms

 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

THE EARLIEST GOSPELS: “AND HE SHALL BE AS I AM, AND I SHALL BE HE, AND THE HIDDEN THINGS WILL BE REVEALED TO HIM.”

 

                  These are the words of Jesus, the Christ, the
holy or Anointed One.
          The  saying in the title of this article comes from the Gospel of Thomas, which many scholars  have concluded is the Source gospel of the gospels that appear in the Bible.
          The fact that Thomas is older is apparent
as soon as you  first read the gospel for yourself.
There is no finely honed narrative line about the
life of Jesus.
          Not much of a story at all, compared to
the Bible gospels. As Northrop Frye kept
repeating to our seminar group – “The narrative
form is a later literary form.”

          In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus speaks
most of his parables we come to know later in the 
Biblical gospels. But there is almost no
 story-telling narrative
          The narrative line that fills the later gospels,
Matthew, Mark. Luke and John,
 scarcely exists in the source gospels.
         What you have in Thomas is a series of
question and answer sessions, rather like the
sessions we read about in early zen books.
The monk, the seeker asks a question. The 
master makes an answer – but it is never
an intellectual answer.
           The teacher might give you a slap,
 hit you with a stick, or say something that sounds like nonsense at the time…But he’s not about
to explain anything to you. He understands
very well that the “truth” can never be
explained: it must be Known ( not thought
about). It must be experienced.
          It is the same situation with Jesus Christ
and his disciples in the Gospel of Thomas.
For example, a disciple asks: “Master, 
where is the kingdom of heaven?”
          And the teacher answers, “If you go to the sky,
the birds will precede you. If you search for heaven 
in the sea, the fish will precede you… …  
But the kingdom of heaven is within you.
 And the Kingdom  is spread out upon the earth, and men see it not.”

          Quick and to the point. It is difficult to
misinterpret many of the statements made in the 
Gospel of Thomas.

           Of course, those  who insist on
pushing forward their own point of view can
misinterpret anything.
          

           The emphasis that the Empire Church
has put on the message of Christ is that Jesus
Christ is SO SPECIAL  none of us can be
like him.
           Well, it is said he was the son of God
and he came from a virgin birth, and he performed miracles, and there was a star in the East. The
same thing was said of Mithra and too many
other god-kings to mention…

             But why is it stressed that the Christ is
so ‘special?’ For this goes exactly against His
teaching.
              Why? Why did they re-create the attributes
of the Christ so as to make him unattainable in our minds,
unreachable as the basic goal of meditation.
               You can’t REALIZE THE CHRIST within you…  If he is made to be  a water-walking, storm-calming,
from -the- dead- raising, demon-expelling heroic
action figure. Like GI Joe. 
               We all know these TV action figures do
impossible feats, which are fun to watch but which
we nevewr try to do ourselves.
                But G.I. Joe is a plastic doll…. a toy that
kids can play with at the kitchen table as mother is
making breakfast…I’m surprised they didn’t make
their version of the Christ into a plastic hero doll…
… Oh, no! I forgot… they did!


              What happens if the Christ is made out
to be such a hero? Well… then he can be monopolized
and  sold as you  sell a product. Christ, as he
has come down to us,  He has been packaged,
shelved, and given a brand name –
he has been patented. And you’d better not infringe
the patent!
              
              You see the point?

               Now a certain smallish group of
people have been restricting access to this unique
big time hero doll that no one else can hope to emulate.
 because he is so unique, and also He is the Source of
Truth, which the whole world wishes
to partake of….and if he is so special, so
unique…  …   … well, people will pay anything
to get a piece of the action. 
          It becomes a mercenary situation.
          You wish to attain forgiveness. You
must pay for forgiveness… and I could go on
for a long time about the different ramifications
of all the wrongs that have been done.
            OK! OK!  But this kind of belly-aching doesn’t
help much. What helps is if someone lays
down how it really works… what is the essence
of what this great healer emerging out of the Essene
community, the Teacher of Righteousness,
what is the essence of what he is saying?

             The essence is this: “When you
realize ‘what it is’, what I am.  this truth that I embody,
 when you come to Know me, you
will know yourself.  For what I am you shall be,
and the hidden things will be revealed
to you…”
             In other words, there will be nothing
hidden to you.
              
               Another way of putting it is: 

    “I AM AS CLOSE TO YOU AS YOUR VERY BREATH”

      This is the important point. This is the truth that
is told in the earliest gospels…

     ‘CLEAVE A PIECE OF WOOD, I AM THERE.”

     “LIFT UP A STONE AND YOU WILL FIND ME THERE.”


       The presence that says these words is not an
action figure.  And He doesn’t exist in the past
either. He exists right here and now, and right
beside you – “As close to you as your very breath.”

        It is important that in this country we get
these basic facts right… that we get the straight
goods.  We have been told a fairy tale for too
long.
          This is serious business!  This is life or
death… of a person and of a culture. Our person
and our culture.
           We rise or fall as a people in so far
as we attain this basic realization.

            “CLEAVE A PIECE OF WOOD, I AM THERE.”

             When you go into the woods with your
close friends and you light a fire and you drink
some wine and you eat whatever mind-rocking
indigenous plants are available, and you look
into the fire….and you clear your mind… this
is the voice that is speaking out of the fire.
             The voice is here and now. God
is within you. Christ is your ultimate nature.
Come to this voice inside yourself… and you
will have found the Key to life eternal.

         
              

           The I AM existing in  

            I AM THAT I AM 

This is the voice that speaks within you.          

The  I AM in: 

            BEFORE ABRAHAM WAS, I AM.

This is the voice that speaks within you.
And if you listen very carefully, and if you
discard all your preconceptions, you will
Realize this voice… And the world will change
for you.

              When we touch the sacred nature
of the holy path of the real God, when we hear
His voice, when we taste him in the smoke
of the peace pipe of your circle, when
the sanctity of the One who is 
creating all things caresses you… you will not
need any other caress, for you realize
that all affection comes from the same Source…

             And I praise thee, O holy One, you
are the source of all our strength.You are
 all our love…I praise thee…
the God of Jacob, the God of Abraham, 
the One who rides the clouds, the One who speaks from
on high, the Lord of the Meeting Rivers, the
Lord of all the countries of the earth, like sands
of the seas, this is the ancient holiness that you
partake of. This is the holiness that is immaculate
and new.
          This is the gift I bring to you.

          “He was nailed to a tree and he became
the fruit of the Knowledge of the Father. The
fruit did not, however, cause destruction
because it was eaten, but to those who ate it,
it gave cause to become glad in the discovery.
and he discovered them in himself, and they
discovered him in themselves.”
                                           The Gospel of Truth 
           
          There really was a Teacher of Righteousness
emerging out of the Essene community. The
Essene people were great healers, and this man in particular was a great teacher and healer. This
man was crucified  in 65 B.C.

           This is a true, historical figure.

           

           
             Taste the vision of the ancients,
the vision that is holiness, the vision
that manna gives to  wanderers in the desert.
              We are walking in the desert,
even now. For life without the Knowledge
of God is a desert, make no mistake.
               Without this Knowledge
We walk in the valley of death, alone.
We walk in the wilderness, far from our
home.
             Until Vision is awakened
within us… and when vision awakes
within us, we see we are in the holy city
and we have always been in the holy city.

                 
         When things become wrong,
evil, lost… this is when we are living in
ignorance. We have forgotten that the holy
altar  exists. And there are meanings to
be achieved within it, within the circle
of the holy tabernacle of God… 
          Meanings that have been with us
from the beginning.

            This is the Second Coming of Christ,

            “And he shall be as I am, and I shall be he,

an the hidden things will be revealed to him.”
                                                      The Gospel of Thomas

            Christ Consciousness is now arising from the miraculous
discovery  at Nag Hammadi, Egypt, in 1945, one year before the

discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls, but a far more important discovery
than that of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Two thousand years ( 2000 years)
after the so-called death of Christ, the return occurs.
             To my mind, this could never be an accident.


            “Whoever finds the explanation of these
words will not taste death”
                                           The Gospel of Thomas.
                                           
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                                                  (C)2014 by W.G.Milne
 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

CHANTING WITH DRUMS AND RAVENS

 
  CHANTING WITH DRUMS AND RAVENS.

*********************************

     
    A friend asked me – ‘what is my target audience?’
    Truth is, I don’t think of a target audience. I know I’m communicating
    with you. I don’t know exactly who you are… but I write a lot of wild
    stuff… So you must be a little wild yourself and have a broad range of
    interests, if your’re reading my stories.
    The last article was about the sexuality of older people, ie: Elmer, when I
    drove him into town to get supplies. Elmer lives in the Great Beyond. He has no neighbours.
             I like going to his place because he has 12 big plastic barrels you can beat on as
    drums.
             I did this the other day.
    On a calm morning the drums resound over the lake and echo in the hills
    on the other side of the lake. Once I get into it, I start chanting as well
    and I can feel every blockage in my body being blown clear…. all veins and arteries being blown clean,any tension,
    any anger, any hatred – you can howl it out, you can chant these feeling out and away into the hills…
    chanting until you are singing at the very Eye of the world.
            This is how it feels.
             There’s nothing but bush in all directions, forest, trees, scrub oak, poplar,
    birches, racoons and bees. They all hear me. The otters and the red squirrels, and
    the muskrats, the bears and the smaller weasels.
    I guess the fish hear the drums, also. I have to assume they
    like the drumming also… but, who knows?
            “There’s a Natural Mystic flowing through the air.” *  And in the drums also,
     and in the silence that reigns afterwards.
              The drums get the ravens flying around a bit, as if I’m disturbing them.
    But when I sat down against a big white pine, when I had finished one time,
    I looked up to the top of the tree I was leaning against. And a bunch of ravens
    were sitting quietly in the top branches, right behind me.
    So I guess I didn’t annoy them too much.
             
        ( Maybe the ravens are my target audience. No, that’s nonsense.
    Ravens don’t read. But each bird, I’m told, can remember about 200 hiding
    places… They don’t read now…. But anything’s possible in the future. )

* line in a Bob Marley song

          Respectfully submitted,
    RRR, W.G.Milne.
 

Saturday, May 10, 2014

YOU WANT A LAUGH? This is abook description I was using to try to SELL A BOOK! Ask me if it worked!!!!

 
HAVE I GOT A BOOK FOR YOU!

SANTA’S URBAN SURVIVAL GUIDE, by William Milne         *

SANTA’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING YOUR PERSONAL FETISH
by William Milne

A COMIC’S APPROACH TO HALLUCINATIONS AND TOXIC  PSYCHOSIS    by    Walker Ballantine       *    

    * (These two are the same book under different titles. I changed one  title
          for marketing reasons.)

Book Descriptions For Purchase:                                      
                                                                                          (at amazon.com/kindle and e-books)

First crack at a book description:
_________________________

SANTA, A STREET-SMART SADOMASOCHIST ,SINGER, BAND-LEADER, AND EX-ATTORNEY IS EXPERIENCED IN BOTH SIDES OF THE LAW,. HE LIKES TO DRINK AND HE’S A DRUG EXPERT… IN THIS BOOK OF HUMOUR HE GIVES YOU TIPS AND METHODS FOR SURVIVING THE FOLLOWING – INTENSE HALLUCINATIONS, ARREST DURING INTENSE HALLUCINATIONS, TOXIC-PSYCHOSIS AND THE ALL-CONSUMING PARANOIA DUE TO TOXIC-PSYCHOSIS: PURSUIT BY THE DEAD OR THE LIZARD PEOPLE; PURSUIT BY ANIMALS WITH PRETERNATURAL INTELLIGENCE WHO SPEAK YOUR
YOUR NAME, BY SMILING SNAKE WOMEN WITH ICE PICKS OFFERING APPLES, BY MOTHERS WITH FORKED TONGUES WORKING FOR THE NAZIS, BY GREY-HAIRED OCCULT MASTERS WHO STARE AND WANT YOUR SOUL… BY SADISTS WITH ROPES, BY A GRINNING TRAFFIC COP WITH TOO MUCH EYE CONTACT WHO KEEPS FONDLING SOMETHING IN HIS POCKET, BY CASTRATING NURSES, BY NEIGHBOURS WHO ARE REALLY DEMONS IN DISGUISE…TROUBLE WITH PHYSICAL ATTACK AND PSYCHIC ATTACK, ABERRANT PSYCHIATRISTS, FEES OF HORNY ADDICT ATTORNEYS,, WHAT TO SIGN AND WHAT NOT TO SIGN IN A LOCKED UNIT… UNSPOKEN RULES OF JAIL; BIKERS, STRIPPERS, BOOZERS, SATANIC HOUSEKEEPERS… WHAT NOT TO SIGN IN A LOCKED PSYCHIATRIC FORENSIC UNIT… NUNS AND JUDGES WITH NYLON STOCKINGS UNDER THEIR ROBES. THERE IS VERY LITTLE THAT SANTA HASN’T EXPERIENCED AND THERE ARE VERY FEW FORMS OF WEIRDNESS HE HAS NOT LEARNED TO MANAGE… WHEN YOU READ THIS BOOK YOU’LL KNOW HOW DEEP THE PLOT CAN GO… … …. THIS BOOK MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE!
.OR AT LEAST REDUCE YOUR SENTENCE…

WHEN YOU’RE CAUGHT BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE OR
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE A FEW LAUGHS, THIS IS THE BOOK TO READ!

 
 

IF YOU PINCHED A WOMAN’S ASS IN THE SUPERMARKET IN 1950, SHE’D SLAP YOUR FACE. NOW DOCTORS RECOMMEND CASTRATION!

 

IF YOU PINCHED A WOMAN’S ASS IN THE SUPERMARKET IN 1950, YOU’D GET A SLAP IN THE FACE…….NOW DOCTORS RECOMMEND CASTRATION!

 
                                  *      *      *      *
                            
 
         I feel as if I’m coming back to you
from a long distance away… and I haven’t
gone anywhere. Times have changed. And the
Status of Men has changed.
      In the mornings, sometimes I read a little poetry. in the afternoons sometimes  I write some prose. Some days I am forced to take certain medications or alcohol, and those days it’s usually best if I don’t  talk to anyone or do anything at  all.
         Sometimes disaster strikes and I get very busy indeed.

            The other day I drove out way past Redbridge
and I picked up an old pal of mine. He lives in a place
you can hardly see from a side road that’s hard to
find.You have to do a quick left turn and weave around
some poplar trees and bushes. Then you have to drive across a small stream, which some days is deeper than
it looks.
           Elmer lives on a deep lake. I had a bad scare
on that lake once. I was out relaxing on a paddle boat at 3:30A.M. I didn’t have to worry about bugging the neighbours with my  chants and howls… because
the  neighbours were non-existent.
          I was doing a little fishing. I had a line in – about
150 feet of line – descending into the darkness of the
lake. As I say, it was way past midnight, so the deep lake
was dark and where I was sitting it was dark, also. A few
flickers of stars above and that’s all.
          Something grabbed my line and started towing
the paddle boat forward at about 3 or 4 miles per hour.
It was dragging me across the lake! I weigh over 200 pounds, so I was in the grip of something quite
powerful, something that lived 150 feet below the surface.
         I looked behind the paddle boat and I could see
a wake, white water churning behind the paddle boat
in the middle of the night. It was almost luminescent.
         I started shouting, “Get the net!  Get the net!”
but no one heard me.
         Whatever it was that was towing me – I lost him in the weeds. The 20 pound test line was severed neatly,
like something had cut it with scissors. 
          The paddle boat kept drifting until it clunked
against the shore.
           
          What had been towing the boat?

           I have to figure it was a sturgeon, weighing
in at over 100 pounds.
           Elmer suggested it might have been a large weasel swimming ahead and towing the boat, just to fuck with my head. A demented weasel  with a twisted mind  laughing at me, laughing at the whole universe and having
 fun at my expense.
           I didn’t want to think about weasels.There has
been  weasel trouble farther north in WAIT-A-BIT! 
There have been some embarrassing aspects
to the incidents that occurred.  No one wants to talk about weasels very much, or the sort of things weasels
might get up to.
           No one wants to talk about it.  I promised
not to say a word.

             I find Elmer in the outhouse reading the
Canadian Tire catalogue, or maybe it’s the
Sears catalogue he stashes behind his back.
             We drove back down to North Bay, so Elmer
could get his supplies.
           I took him to a supermarket where he likes to
buy things. I went off to shop a bit myself.
           I returned to his aisle to find him acting
in a very strange way towards a woman who was
shopping ahead of him down the aisle.
           The woman had blonde hair. She was about
fifty and was wearing a skirt  about four inches 
above the knee. The skirt was a little bit tight
and the woman had nice substantial hips.
She was dressed in an average fashion
for the 21st century. There was nothing
extreme about the way she was dressed.
            Elmer was being a little extreme, however.
He was acting in a bizarre fashion – for this calendar
year and these times.
              He was rolling his eyes, sticking his
tongue out and making it quiver in the air towards
the woman. She didn’t know him from Adam.
              She turned around to see him sticking
his tongue out in her direction, grabbing his
crotch with both hands and making humping motions
towards her with his hips, like a goat trundling after 
a she-goat in the yard.
             The hip motions and the tongue action, all at
once –  it was the sort of activity  you might expect to see in a barnyard but not in an A&P. And in the barnyard
you’d expect an animal to be doing it, not a human
being.

               Soon as I stepped into the aisle,
 I caught the vibe.
              The woman laughed at first. But then Elmer
made a quick move and pinched her left bum cheek,
sticking out his flickering tongue all the time.
           Now she wasn’t laughing.She hurried away
from  Elmer, when he didn’t stop his
obscene humping sub-human  mating ritual.      
              Her face had gotten red and she was
talking into her cell phone, making a detailed
report to 911.  I knew this was what she was doing.
              I had to grab Elmer by the arm
and hurry him out of the store. He wasn’t
happy about it, but I made him leave his shopping
cart in the aisle. I rushed him into my car
and drove like hell out of the parking lot.
             I could hear the sound of sirens already
as we made our escape.

       
         
             The last time I drove a car, gas cost
37 cents a litre. It seems like no time at all
to me, but I guess it has been a long time.
Time has been passing me by, also, and I
don’t always notice the change in fashion.
         As the years roll on,  if you start drinking
heavy, ten years will blow by in the wink of an eye.
And like the snap of your fingers – two decades are
gone, if you don’t pay attention.
          Everything feels the same. I feel the
same. But as the years go racing by, no one
looks the same.Whether we know it or not,
we start to look kinda rough.
          I don’t have the same raging hormones
as I had a short time ago, and I don’t follow my
dick around town as much as I used to. 
          Elmer, however, had not noticed
any changes in social etiquette in the past few decades. 
He hadn’t noticed the changes in social mores for this
reason – he had never been very social.
           
                         
              I know this older man i his nineties. He told me
this:  “When you’re eighty, you feel the same as you did when you were eighteen, except you can’t
jump out of a chair as fast.”
          “Don’t look for some major changes when
you’re ‘growing up’ . Nothing really changes except
you don’t look the same – well, let’s be honest – you start
to look like shit, but you feel the same.”
        “Oh,” he said, “I’d give anything to be seventy-
five again!”
        
         Just like him. I go days without looking in the mirror and I suppose a person who pays attention to clothes
would notice my socks don’t match, or my sweater’s
a different shade of purple than my hat. I don’t
care about such things. And I suppose it shows.
       I’m sometimes out of touch,myself, and I don’t care
much. 
        But Elmer’s in a different league than I am,
when it comes to obtuse eccentricity and not
paying attention to what’s been happening recently
 in the last few years.
      
      

       

               
 

               I’ve been a sadomasochist
since I was six, at six I was hanging myself from
trees by unorthodox body parts. Way back then I
was weird.
               So nothing’s changed with me.
But the other day I was looking at a site
and a magazine and I asked: 
              “Hey, where did all these old guys come from? When you turn 55 do you suddenly have to have your ass whipped in order to have sex? Do you perform better
if your date follows you around the bedroom with a cattle prod?”
                No, this isn’t the situation.  I made this discovery. Thousands of guys in their fifties and sixties don’t immediately turn into perverts, as soon as they pass the age of 55.
                Nope, their tastes don’t change that 
much. So what’s the difference? There was a story here
and I had to get to the bottom of it. These old guys
don’t all of a sudden jump into S&M, I discovered…
 Not at all.
              Reality intrudes into their lives. Facts change
and so do circumstances. And it’s best to
notice these things.

             Now, if they want to get any, these older fellas
have to take some rather embarrassing steps.

NOW THEY HAVE TO BEG FOR SEX! 

If they want to get any, that is. These old guys are not
 perverts! They’re just desperate!
                 Desperation is something I understand. 

                 Begging and grovelling has always kind of aroused me. 
                 So I don’t mind crawling on my stomach and saying, “PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! let me kiss it  one more time!”  
                       This is what foreplay is for me. To me it’s sexy,
it’s fun and I enjoy it. And it doesn’t bug all of the
ladies all of the time. Some ladies quite enjoy watching
a desperate fool making fast hand motions on his
knees.                           

                                 But this massive influx of old guys,
into S&M, this discovery has taught me one 
of the facts of life. These guys  probably would 
rather have normal sex, but they can’t get it!
                 When ya gotta beg ya
gotta beg! Might as well enjoy it! This is my
philosophy. Forget the code of the west and be practical.
This is my view of the situation.

                  It’s important to remember, though,
that things change. Styles are different and
you can’t get away with the things you used to
do in public 30 years ago.
                 If you have an urge to do something
aberrant, it’s good to pause and ask yourself,
“How important is it to me to do this thing I have in mind?”
In other words, think before you act…And read
a few newspapers.
                 
           
         
           If you want to join the human race once
again, you might need advice  before crawling out from
 whatever appliance you’ve been under, or from whatever bush you’ve been  hiding behind….
               If you decide to leave the junked car you’ve
been living in as the years have passed you by, it’s best
to read a book on etiquette before you step outside. Or even just read a cheap magazine –  you’ll see the way the land lies, you’ll see how fashions have changed in the
last few decades.

              I mentioned “women’s liberation” to Elmer.
I asked him if he’d ever heard of it.
              Sure, he’d heard of it! You know what he
told me, ever so sure of himself : “Yeah!  Women’s Liberation. Of course I know what it is!  It’s the brand name of a medication the little gals take to relieve menstrual distress.”
                       
            If you insist on perving on some woman you desire, it might cost you more than you’re willing to lose.This line of conduct might have consequences you never dreamed of 40 years ago.
         For example, here’s a tip. You’re not allowed
to pinch a woman’s ass in the supermarket anymore.
And you really can’t give her right bum cheek a smart
resounding slap.
          You might get more than a slap back!
          The fact that you don’t come to town
very often, that’s no excuse!         

          The truth is – they cart you off to a psychiatric hospital if you act like that these days.
 if you’re lucky, they’ll only snip off one testicle.
           Times have changed!
            And for a second offence? Well, they’ll
snip off the other one!
            It’s O.K., they tell me. Because Doctor Bloch
promises he’ll keep your balls safe for you, in a mason jar.
And you can visit them any time you want, providing
it’s during hospital visiting hours and  it’s not
a government or a bank holiday.

                
             
                                        
                                                                                    (C)2014 by W.G.Milne

                                                                                     All rights reserved.
                                                                                                                      +15
        

 

Links to this post

Friday, May 9, 2014

A COMIC’S GUIDE TO HALLUCINATIONS AND TOXIC PSYCHOSIS , ORGANIZATIONAL NOTES & E-BOOKS

 

William Milne

03:09                              
 
 
(Originally posted on Google +)

 
ORGANIZATIONAL TAB:

This is 2 years later. Personally I’m more grounded. But can you find my sites? Hell, can I find my sites? Oh, yeah – i’m William
(Bill) Milne, band name is John Rock and the Angels
What are the zappadat themes?
Reports and comments, with humour or humor whenever possible on:
sexual repression, spiritual repression, political oppression, twisted psychological neuroses, psychoses and repression
The Liberation of Personae – how many personalities do you embody?
satori/kensho/realization, foundation experience
Ancient Gospel Found Anew –  amazon.com/kindle and ebooks
Santa’s Urban Survival Guide        amazon
Santa’s Guide to Surviving Your Personal Fetish       (amazon)
The Second Coming of Christ, Ancient Gospel Found Anew (amazon.com)                                    
zappadat.blogspot.com          = Roving Reporter Rants
zappadat.wordpress.com        posts mostly derived from RRR above
jjwilliejohn@twitter.com
walkerballantine@facebook.com
zappadat.tumblr.com               =Roving Reporter Rants at Wait-A-Bit
femaleorgasmclinic.tumblr.com
ballentinezappadat.tumblr.com

There are a number of my blogs stationed at Blogspot.com (The Whip and The Cross, The Tennis Psychologist, WAIT-A-BIT! Tales of Isolation and Panic and five more)
also, at Tumblr.com    (zappadat is lead site)

My e-books and kindle books at amazon.com  are series which I will add to every month or so… without charge… priced at 1.99
Fetish book is 2.99
For God sakes buy one, because the revenue from these books
provides the FUEL – alcohol and stimulants(including coffee) –  which
I  need to keep writing.

note:
A COMIC’S GUIDE TO HALLUCINATIONS AND TOXIC PSYCHOSIS,
by Walker Ballanine  This book is SANTA’S URBAN SURVIVAL GUIDE
under a different guise.
     The problem was – SANTA’S URBAN SURVIVIVAL GUIDE
 was being listed with serious survival guides. It’s not a serious survival guide, it’s a funny book, a book of humour dealing with
such subjects as: what to do when you’re being arrested while you’re hallucinating, how to deal with TOXIC PSYCHOSIS ie: hearing voices
while walking with your boss & his wife…across a parking lot,
your dead grandmother whispering across the tarmac all the while.
       Also,how to survive when hospitalized and heavily medicated. How to hire a Criminal Attorney, when you’re broke. Different
ways to obtain  early release from the slammer (for this you need cash).
        Also, surviving your dentist, psychiatric doctors who recommend castration, surviving your personal fetish, living in isolation in the Arctic – cabin fever & other  psychoses.

        “THE FINAL FRONTIER IS THE HUMAN MIND” – how to have fun with yours and enjoy various forms of personal wealth.

                                                     Cheers!

 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

IF YOU PINCHED A WOMAN’S ASS IN THE SUPERMARKET IN 1950, YOU’D GET A SLAP IN THE FACE…….NOW DOCTORS RECOMMEND CASTRATION!

 
                              I feel as if I’m coming back to you
from a long distance away… and I haven’t
gone anywhere. Times have changed. And the
Status of Men has changed.
      In the mornings, sometimes I read a little poetry. in the afternoons sometimes  I write some prose. Some days I am forced to take certain medications or alcohol, and those days it’s usually best if I don’t  talk to anyone or do anything at  all.
         Sometimes disaster strikes and I get very busy indeed.

            The other day I drove out way past Redbridge
and I picked up an old pal of mine. He lives in a place
you can hardly see from a side road that’s hard to
find.You have to do a quick left turn and weave around
some poplar trees and bushes. Then you have to drive across a small stream, which some days is deeper than
it looks.
           Elmer lives on a deep lake. I had a bad scare
on that lake once. I was out relaxing on a paddle boat at 3:30A.M. I didn’t have to worry about bugging the neighbours with my  chants and howls… because
the  neighbours were non-existent.
          I was doing a little fishing. I had a line in – about
150 feet of line – descending into the darkness of the
lake. As I say, it was way past midnight, so the deep lake
was dark and where I was sitting it was dark, also. A few
flickers of stars above and that’s all.
          Something grabbed my line and started towing
the paddle boat forward at about 3 or 4 miles per hour.
It was dragging me across the lake! I weigh over 200 pounds, so I was in the grip of something quite
powerful, something that lived 150 feet below the surface.
         I looked behind the paddle boat and I could see
a wake, white water churning behind the paddle boat
in the middle of the night. It was almost luminescent.
         I started shouting, “Get the net!  Get the net!”
but no one heard me.
         Whatever it was that was towing me – I lost him in the weeds. The 20 pound test line was severed neatly,
like something had cut it with scissors. 
          The paddle boat kept drifting until it clunked
against the shore.
           
          What had been towing the boat?

           I have to figure it was a sturgeon, weighing
in at over 100 pounds.
           Elmer suggested it might have been a large weasel swimming ahead and towing the boat, just to fuck with my head. A demented weasel  with a twisted mind  laughing at me, laughing at the whole universe and having
 fun at my expense.
           I didn’t want to think about weasels.There has
been  weasel trouble farther north in WAIT-A-BIT! 
There have been some embarrassing aspects
to the incidents that occurred.  No one wants to talk about weasels very much, or the sort of things weasels
might get up to.
           No one wants to talk about it.  I promised
not to say a word.

             I find Elmer in the outhouse reading the
Canadian Tire catalogue, or maybe it’s the
Sears catalogue he stashes behind his back.
             We drove back down to North Bay, so Elmer
could get his supplies.
           I took him to a supermarket where he likes to
buy things. I went off to shop a bit myself.
           I returned to his aisle to find him acting
in a very strange way towards a woman who was
shopping ahead of him down the aisle.
           The woman had blonde hair. She was about
fifty and was wearing a skirt  about four inches 
above the knee. The skirt was a little bit tight
and the woman had nice substantial hips.
She was dressed in an average fashion
for the 21st century. There was nothing
extreme about the way she was dressed.
            Elmer was being a little extreme, however.
He was acting in a bizarre fashion – for this calendar
year and these times.
              He was rolling his eyes, sticking his
tongue out and making it quiver in the air towards
the woman. She didn’t know him from Adam.
              She turned around to see him sticking
his tongue out in her direction, grabbing his
crotch with both hands and making humping motions
towards her with his hips, like a goat trundling after 
a she-goat in the yard.
             The hip motions and the tongue action, all at
once –  it was the sort of activity  you might expect to see in a barnyard but not in an A&P. And in the barnyard
you’d expect an animal to be doing it, not a human
being.

               Soon as I stepped into the aisle,
 I caught the vibe.
              The woman laughed at first. But then Elmer
made a quick move and pinched her left bum cheek,
sticking out his flickering tongue all the time.
           Now she wasn’t laughing.She hurried away
from  Elmer, when he didn’t stop his
obscene humping sub-human  mating ritual.      
              Her face had gotten red and she was
talking into her cell phone, making a detailed
report to 911.  I knew this was what she was doing.
              I had to grab Elmer by the arm
and hurry him out of the store. He wasn’t
happy about it, but I made him leave his shopping
cart in the aisle. I rushed him into my car
and drove like hell out of the parking lot.
             I could hear the sound of sirens already
as we made our escape.

       
         
             The last time I drove a car, gas cost
37 cents a litre. It seems like no time at all
to me, but I guess it has been a long time.
Time has been passing me by, also, and I
don’t always notice the change in fashion.
         As the years roll on,  if you start drinking
heavy, ten years will blow by in the wink of an eye.
And like the snap of your fingers – two decades are
gone, if you don’t pay attention.
          Everything feels the same. I feel the
same. But as the years go racing by, no one
looks the same.Whether we know it or not,
we start to look kinda rough.
          I don’t have the same raging hormones
as I had a short time ago, and I don’t follow my
dick around town as much as I used to. 
          Elmer, however, had not noticed
any changes in social etiquette in the past few decades. 
He hadn’t noticed the changes in social mores for this
reason – he had never been very social.
           
                         
              I know this older man i his nineties. He told me
this:  “When you’re eighty, you feel the same as you did when you were eighteen, except you can’t
jump out of a chair as fast.”
          “Don’t look for some major changes when
you’re ‘growing up’ . Nothing really changes except
you don’t look the same – well, let’s be honest – you start
to look like shit, but you feel the same.”
        “Oh,” he said, “I’d give anything to be seventy-
five again!”
        
         Just like him. I go days without looking in the mirror and I suppose a person who pays attention to clothes
would notice my socks don’t match, or my sweater’s
a different shade of purple than my hat. I don’t
care about such things. And I suppose it shows.
       I’m sometimes out of touch,myself, and I don’t care
much. 
        But Elmer’s in a different league than I am,
when it comes to obtuse eccentricity and not
paying attention to what’s been happening recently
 in the last few years.
      
      

       

               
 

               I’ve been a sadomasochist
since I was six, at six I was hanging myself from
trees by unorthodox body parts. Way back then I
was weird.
               So nothing’s changed with me.
But the other day I was looking at a site
and a magazine and I asked: 
              “Hey, where did all these old guys come from? When you turn 55 do you suddenly have to have your ass whipped in order to have sex? Do you perform better
if your date follows you around the bedroom with a cattle prod?”
                No, this isn’t the situation.  I made this discovery. Thousands of guys in their fifties and sixties don’t immediately turn into perverts, as soon as they pass the age of 55.
                Nope, their tastes don’t change that 
much. So what’s the difference? There was a story here
and I had to get to the bottom of it. These old guys
don’t all of a sudden jump into S&M, I discovered…
 Not at all.
              Reality intrudes into their lives. Facts change
and so do circumstances. And it’s best to
notice these things.

             Now, if they want to get any, these older fellas
have to take some rather embarrassing steps.

NOW THEY HAVE TO BEG FOR SEX! 

If they want to get any, that is. These old guys are not
 perverts! They’re just desperate!
                 Desperation is something I understand. 

                 Begging and grovelling has always kind of aroused me. 
                 So I don’t mind crawling on my stomach and saying, “PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! let me kiss it  one more time!”  
                       This is what foreplay is for me. To me it’s sexy,
it’s fun and I enjoy it. And it doesn’t bug all of the
ladies all of the time. Some ladies quite enjoy watching
a desperate fool making fast hand motions on his
knees.                           

                                 But this massive influx of old guys,
into S&M, this discovery has taught me one 
of the facts of life. These guys  probably would 
rather have normal sex, but they can’t get it!
                 When ya gotta beg ya
gotta beg! Might as well enjoy it! This is my
philosophy. Forget the code of the west and be practical.
This is my view of the situation.

                  It’s important to remember, though,
that things change. Styles are different and
you can’t get away with the things you used to
do in public 30 years ago.
                 If you have an urge to do something
aberrant, it’s good to pause and ask yourself,
“How important is it to me to do this thing I have in mind?”
In other words, think before you act…And read
a few newspapers.
                 
           
         
           If you want to join the human race once
again, you might need advice  before crawling out from
 whatever appliance you’ve been under, or from whatever bush you’ve been  hiding behind….
               If you decide to leave the junked car you’ve
been living in as the years have passed you by, it’s best
to read a book on etiquette before you step outside. Or even just read a cheap magazine –  you’ll see the way the land lies, you’ll see how fashions have changed in the
last few decades.

              I mentioned “women’s liberation” to Elmer.
I asked him if he’d ever heard of it.
              Sure, he’d heard of it! You know what he
told me, ever so sure of himself : “Yeah!  Women’s Liberation. Of course I know what it is!  It’s the brand name of a medication the little gals take to relieve menstrual distress.”
                       
            If you insist on perving on some woman you desire, it might cost you more than you’re willing to lose.This line of conduct might have consequences you never dreamed of 40 years ago.
         For example, here’s a tip. You’re not allowed
to pinch a woman’s ass in the supermarket anymore.
And you really can’t give her right bum cheek a smart
resounding slap.
          You might get more than a slap back!
          The fact that you don’t come to town
very often, that’s no excuse!         

          The truth is – they cart you off to a psychiatric hospital if you act like that these days.
 if you’re lucky, they’ll only snip off one testicle.
           Times have changed!
            And for a second offence? Well, they’ll
snip off the other one!
            It’s O.K., they tell me. Because Doctor Bloch
promises he’ll keep your balls safe for you, in a mason jar.
And you can visit them any time you want, providing
it’s during hospital visiting hours and  it’s not
a government or a bank holiday.

                
             
                                        

        

 
 
 
  IS
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